8.02.2010

every time I read it, I go "huh?"

Brendon has this book⋄. It's called "baby's first quack." I'll "read" it to you, and you can make your own decision as to whether it's a "quack" or not. *snickers*

*opens the book*
Left side has a calf. Right side has a cow. Underneath the cow, the flap reveals a glass of milk. Ok, not too bad, they all relate.
*turns the page*
Left side has a panda . . . hmm . . . Right side, has a rabbit. Odd combination. Underneath the rabbit is a carrot. Ok, rabbit eats carrots-I get that. Maybe someone things a panda eats carrots? Different idea than the previous "story," but still plausible. Let's continue
*turns the page*
Left side has a foal, right side has a horse. Oh, ok, going back to the first "story"? Underneath the horse is a saddle. Still doable, and relative. Not such a bad book yet.
*turns the page*
Left side has a emu . . . ?? Right side . . . zebra . . . Underneath the zebra is grass. So, does a emu eat grass? Maybe, I don't know. It appears the book has two strains of thought going on, one is the two animals are adult/baby and the item they're most known for, two is two animals that eat the same thing. With me so far?
*turns the page*
Left side has a puppy; the right side has a dog; underneath the dog is a bone. Ah-ha! So they are going with the multi-strain book! Are you sure!?
*turns the page*
Left side has a lion, and right side has a . . . fish?! Now, if we take the two animals and the theme, what do they both eat?! *crickets* Underneath the fish is coral. *scratches head* Maybe someone had a total brain fart? I bet it won't happen again, right? Right?!
*turns the page*
Left side has a lizard; right side a monkey. Underneath the monkey is a banana. Wait a sec, they've totally changed books in the middle! Now, they're going with a random animal for the left side, and pair of animal and eats-this/lives-here. Wow, so complicated.
*turns the page*
Left side is a tiger; right side is a bird (parrot, actually, but the word says bird); underneath the bird is a nest. So, I was right. Random animal on the left, animal and eats-this/lives-here pair.
*turns the page*
Left side is a kitten; right side is a cat with wool underneath the cat. Now, slow down a minute!! I thought we had changed story lines already! It can't keep going back and forth, someone is going to get hurt!
*turns the page*
Left side is a chicken; right side is a pig; underneath pig is mud. Wha-ok, back the original-changed story, now. Deep breath, I can do this!
*turns the page*
Left side has a lamb; right side has a sheep; underneath the sheep is a barn. Again, I get those relations. They both live in the barn, or something like that. One page left.
*turns the page*
Left side has a giraffe; right side has a camel. There is no flap underneath the camel, so there's no way to fit them both into the story. I usually just skip these pages. I mean, who wants to end a story with a random pair animals. One has a long neck, one has a lumpy back. One lives in the dessert, one lives in the . . . where does a giraffe live? Jungle? Rainforest? Safari! :)
*closes book*
What a quack!

I think I might just stick this book back in his toy box and think of happy thoughts. But I can't help trying to figure out what in the world this author was thinking! If there was only one pair of random animals, I'd say maybe they needed to stick in an extra page. Or maybe if the random animals were all at the end. But they're randomly thrown in there with the puppy/dog, kitten/cat pairs. I think I'm going to write a children's book. I'm going to call it "stuff," and fill it with random pictures, like a cup, a grocery bag, a hair ball, a car, a dead bug. And, then I'll put a flap or two under some pictures and put colors in those. See who can figure out my randomness!!

*insert really evil, creepy laugh here*

⋄Disclaimer: someone did give Brendon this book, and he does like to flip through the pages and look under the flaps. I'm not criticizing their choice to buy the book, or being ungrateful for it. It just makes me go "huh" when I read it to him. That's all!

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