4.21.2010

Advice wanted....maybe...

I need some helpful advice. I'll tell you the problem, and what I've tried, and you will tell me something else to try, and it will work, and the problem will be fixed, ok? Great!

Brendon is stuck in a rut. He is waking up several times a night. SEVERAL TIMES! I could deal with one. I could even do two every once in a while, but EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. is not conducive to my enjoying the day with him, or even at work.

He goes bed around 6-630pm, most days with just a little fuss. His last meal is about 4, so I try to dream feed him around 9pm before I go to bed- which explains why he wakes up at 9, but I can deal with that, 'cause I'm not asleep yet. Any later than 7, and he cannot wind down. Some times he cries himself to sleep, some times he goes right to sleep.

The problems come after we go to bed. He wakes up around 12 each night. We've tried all sorts of things. We tried a fan for white noise, no fan, a crack of light from the closet, a night light (waay too bright), no light, soft music, no music, cereal before bed, snack before bed. We have a bedtime routine that we more or less adhere to (depending on how tired and cranky he is), it's the whole bath, book, b0ob thing.

If I leave him alone, he gets hysterical, mad and stands up and won't go back to sleep. Plus he throws his pacifier on the floor, and he still uses that. Depending on how patient/tired I'm feeling, I either pick him up and cuddle him until he calms down and is drowsy again (some times takes more than one time) or I give up and nurse him, because I know that after we're done, he will go right to sleep.

I stumble back to bed and grasp a few hours of sleep until he does it again at 4am. This time is tricky. On day I work, I try to feed him so he goes to Christina's house with a full tummy, and I go to work not spilling milk, because there's no guarantee that I will be able to pump before lunch. I used to feed him at 5:30 when we got up to get ready for work, and he'd be awake until he was dropped off around 6:30am. I might try that again if this "situation" doesn't improve soon

Anyways, I try to be consistent, but it's hard because each day is not the same. I work 12 hour shifts 3 days a week, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday/Sunday (every other weekend).  The weekends are the worse, especially Sunday, because Sunday school is at 930, and we don't get home until 12:30, and he won't nap in the nursery. Then, our evening service is at 6 (right at bedtime!!), and again, he won't nap in the nursery.

His napping schedule stays consistent, at 10 and 2. He gets 5 ounces at 8, 12 and 4 when I work, and nurses at those times when I'm home. He gets about 1/2 cup of food after each feeding, and some snacks if he happens to still be hungry.

He has never slept through the night for more than 1 night in a row. NEVER. While most moms were exclaiming how surprised they were in the morning when their baby hadn't woken up, I was stumbling through the day wishing for that day. He's 9 months old, I'm still wishing for that day.

Am I doing something wrong? Am I forgetting something? I feel like a failure when people ask me why I'm so tired, and I say that the baby woke up several times last night and they're response is, "He's not sleeping through the night yet? Really!?" I know they don't mean to, but it comes across like "What's wrong with you and your kid?!"

I think we're ready to start thinking about another baby, but I cannot deal with two night wakers! I physically cannot. Maybe if I was a stay-at-home mom, and didn't work, I could deal with it. But working, and working 12 (ends up more like 13-14) hours on my feet all day long, I think it's too much.

So, tell me, friends, family, and f....facebookers, what did you do, what worked for your kids, and tell me it will get better. If your baby slept through the night by week 4 and is still sleeping through the night for 12-14 hours straight (or even 10!) a night, don't tell me that. I might have to drive over to your house in the middle of the night, wake your baby up, and leave. and I will find your house! I promise!

6 comments:

  1. Don't go to him at night. It might take 3 nights. He might stand up, throw his pacifier, and scream for hours, but he needs to learn it's not Mommy wake up time. It might make for horrible days...but it should end. If that doesn't work...ask the doctor? Or, give him more ounces before bed? I'm not sure. But I'd try that if you haven't.

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  2. Molly was pretty much the same way as Brendon. I never could get her to sleep through the night and we tried all the things you've tried. I'm not one for making my kids cry for longer than half an hour or so. In my experience they just get themselves all worked up and don't go back to sleep.

    Instarted weaning Molly around 11 months. I started going longer between feeding and replacing the missed nursing with some milk or else a snack. Once she was weaned (right at 12 months) she started sleeping through the night. And now at 13 months she almost always sleeps through the night.

    I had another friend whose kids were the same as this and they started sleeping through the night when they were weaned too. After she told me that she was my hope that Molly would do the same thing.

    With us, I did have it a bit easier in that I didn't have to GO to work, but it still makes for hard staying at home days.

    Have you tried having Mark give him a bottle in the night instead of you going in there? I've also heard other people say they only give their babies a bottle of water in the night and the kid decides it's not worth it to get up for water. That one didn't work for me, but maybe it would for Brendon. Praying for you!!

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  3. Awe....Nina!! I'm so sorry that you all are not sleeping through the night. I don't.....OBVIOUSLY (at least, not yet yaaaaay) have any advice for you. But if a sympathetic "ear" helps, I'm always here to listen, as it were. I will be praying for you. And if you want to ship BAM to Auntie Ninda's house for a while, I would be willing to take him. :o)

    Love you!!
    Melinda

    PS
    About the other baby bit - w00t!!

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  4. Aw, I know how hard it is! Jonathan went through the same thing around 9/10 months. For him it was because he was cutting teeth. And then because he started pooping every night. I would give him his pacifier, change him if necessary, and lay him back down. And let him cry. It's hard, but I just kept telling myself that HE will be happier if he learns to sleep. Waking once a night I think would still be cool at 9 months, but 2 or 3 I think I would NOT be ok with! I did always go put his pacifier back in. Like Brendon, he figured out how to throw it across the room:) I think Jonathan just decided it wasn't worth it because I was NOT going to nurse him at night.
    Some things I wondered . . . Have you tried increasing his food/milk amounts at each feeding through the day, not just before bed? How long do his naps last? Are the night wakings worse in the beginning of the week (close to the weekend when things are disrupted)? It might take longer than most, seeing that he's 9 months old and apparently likes you:) I know most people won't let their babies cry for more than 30-45 minutes, but Jonathan took a good 1.5 hours for a few nights. I just kept telling myself that it's good for HIM to sleep well. Good luck!

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  5. I tried the pacifier thing, and it had a low success rate. though, once I only offered water rather than milk, he decided that the paci looked pretty yummy. I have made the decision to not feed him after 8, so I think that will help, too. Why I gave in so many times, was for my sleep. He could wake to eat 2 or 3 times, and still be get enough sleep. Me, however, I need a larger amount of sleep, like towards the 10 hours end. So, the main issue was keeping him asleep so I could sleep.

    increasing his food/milk, yes to food, no to milk cause I don't have extra, unless I buy formula (which I just can't myself do). He takes 2 two hour naps, one morning and one afternoon. I couldn't really find any correlation between his bad nights and anything.

    Thanks for the advice, and I will let you know in a few weeks how it's going.

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  6. Just wanted to tell you we have really similar stories. I'm writing this at 3am, so that should tell you something. I have an 8 1/2 month old. I breastfeed, but don't ever had enough milk for extra. I'm not sure if the problem is teething or if my milk supply is just too low for her. I supplement with formula now. But she is still waking up 2-3 times during the night. PLEASE let me know if you figure out what to do. I would be so grateful!

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