things I've learned from having a toddler

What wipe, mommy?

~in no particular order~

1) anything small, in a crinkly bag, in the fridge, or out my purse is food. Some times it's not, sometimes it is. and sometimes it has to be made first. Like Ramen, you can't eat Ramen out of the bag.
2) any drawer will be opened and it's contents examined and picked through.
3) they are persistent and stubborn as anything. Once a simple "no" worked, now it's "no," a slapped hand to show I mean it, AND a removal of temptation to do it again.
4) super-deep belly laughs at a piece of hair falling to the ground means he's extremely tired and will probably crash soon. sorry, but that just wasn't *that* funny.
5) the floor is the kid's domain. items left on it will be carried to the last place you'd ever think to look for it. Drool will be used as a territory marker, anything remotely step-able, will be stepped on, and anything food-like will be brought for opening and eating.
6) even though feet are small, they can pinch like a pair of new vice-grips. I think it has to do with the surface area thingy that relates to high heeled shoes sinking in to soft soil while flat shoes walk right on top of it.
7) people do not stop asking about more kids. It's funny, though, after two or maybe three kids, no one asks when the next one is coming. They figure that you want to have more than one, but stop when you hit two or three.
8) a season's worth of clothes is equal to a small fortune. Even if you happen to shop the sales rack, even if you are smart enough to shop off-season (I'm not, but can you imagine me spending TWO small fortunes just to get ahead?), even if you happen to get a manager to approve using expired Kohl's cash from 2009 (which the cashier didn't believe me and gave me the stink eye, but I wasn't backing down! I worked hard to get it approved!), even if you dress your kid in a size bigger so that he can wear them longer.
9) naptime rules. Nothing should ever disrupt naptime. and if it does, it should be eliminated immediately! If naptime does not happen the way it should, the entire day can be considered epic fail and wiped from the calender! Unless you get the kid to walk, or smile, or talk, or eat, or finally go down at bedtime, then it has redeemed itself.
10) just because some kid down the street waves and blows kisses at 8 months, it's still something to celebrate when yours does it at 13 months.

look, pockies! for my sippies!